the first standard of being mature is to tell right from wrong.
the second one is to draw yourself back when you know it’s worng.

for me, the struggle lies inside. when it’s a natural pull, fighting against is just painful and consuming.
when comes to crisis, one can always count on friends, being there and telling what should or should not be done. but the person who has the final verdict is no other than onself.

and this, is my own battle to fight.
against all my emotional instincts, pulling away from the magnetic field that sparkles.

There are suppose to be 5 stages of greif,
Denial and Isolation.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance.

When it comes to loss, it’s really hard to deal with.

A friend, in grieving. I can tell how much she’s suffering and how bad she wants to be brave and be wise. But life wouldn’t be life, if we can simply control our feelings and heartaches. The sudden saddness in her eyes, the distant look appeared with her smile. The loss simply took away part of her to somewhere she may never get to.

Each morning, she wakes up with a hole in her head, a drop of tear in her heart. And all she can do is swallowing the agony of the nightmare, and put up a brave happy face.

Girl, i don’t know how much this will have to last, but honey, be brave, there’s nothing that can’t be cured by the passing of time. Don’t cry because it ended, smile because it happened.

“有时候，你很想念一个人，但你不会打电话给他。打电话给他，不知道说甚麼好，还是不打比较好。
想念一个人，不一定要听到他的声音。听到了他的声音，也许就是另一回事。 想像中的一切，往往比现实稍微美好一点。想念中的那个人，也比现实稍微温暖一点。思念好像是很遥远的一回事， 有时却偏偏比现实亲近一点。
一个女人因为一个男人的离开而自寻短见，只有一个原因，就是除了他以外，她一无所有。拥有得愈多的人，愈舍不得死。一无所有的人，才会觉得活著没意思。
他不爱你，再过一万年之後也不爱你，你为甚麼还要为他痴迷， 为他流泪？醒醒吧
有些事情是不可以勉强的。恋爱是双程路，单恋也该有一条底线，到了底线，就是退出的时候。这条路行不通，你该想想另一条路，而不是在路口徘徊。这裏不留人，自有留人处。
如果你开心和悲伤的时候，首先想到的，都是同一个人，那就最完美， 如果开心的时候和悲伤的时候，首先想到的，不是同一个人，我劝你应该选择你想和她共度悲伤时刻的那一个，人生本来是苦多於乐.你的开心，有太多人可以和你分享，不一定要是情人，如果日子过得快乐,自己一人也很好，悲伤，却不是很多人可以和你分担。 你愿意把悲伤告诉他，他才是你最想亲近和珍惜的人
爱情里的所谓期限，都是用来延迟的。我很想不等你了，我却舍不得走。我知道我会老，我却舍不得放手。为甚麼要有期限？因为我担心我做不到。
爱情有生、老、病、死。爱情老了，生病了，治不好爱情就会死。爱情要死，是时限到了。我们何必要恋恋不肯放手？万物有时序，你不可能一无所知，你只是希望把大限再延迟一点。花开花落，万物有时，你为甚麼不肯接受这是自然的定律？
离开之後，我想你不要忘记一件事：不要忘记想念我。想念我的 时候，不要忘记我也在想念你。

我想我不等你了,永远不等了。”

Just brought my ass back from work, a fine day, i have to say.

My physical condition's been at stake for the past 2 or 3 days, but luckily i was able to "survive" without a small simple operation. I do feel a lot better now, and also am quite happy with the fact that losing couple of pounds.

Sort of messed up my life a little bit again, but i'm not 19 any more, which means i know better, and i'm doing the right thing. it's actually quite simple: family and work always come first, others, such as relationships & friends or people between, should come in naturally.

Well, let's change, and be good, kiddoe.

in the years of love everyone is learning. admit it or not, i'm reaching to a point that i need to consider things seriously or at least as a grown-up. we all made mistakes in our past relationships, but when do we know that we have learned enough? when do we know that we are ready? and when do we know that our Mr./Ms. Right is the next one coming? love at first sight, is that really gonna last? Scientists find out that the chemistry human body produces when they fall in love would last up to 13 months. what about afterwards? where do the feelings go? or should it just all start as friends, let the butterflies in your stomach fly, and wait for the romance to come?

having the best time hanging out together, besides making each other comfortable and companied, does it mean there's romance growing? having the worst time fighting, besides being angry and hurt, does it mean the love's gone?

love's always been hard, and i believe it will be like this in a million years. i am just a single gal, searching for my love and my soulmate. i have so many questions to ask, and i hope i'll find a man with all my answers one day.

in the years of love everyone is learning. admit it or not, i'm reaching to a point that i need to consider things seriously or at least as a grown-up. we all made mistakes in our past relationships, but when do we know that we have learned enough? when do we know that we are ready? and when do we know that our Mr./Ms. Right is the next one coming? love at first sight, is that really gonna last? Scientists find out that the chemistry human body produces when they fall in love would last up to 13 months. what about afterwards? where do the feelings go? or should it just all start as friends, let the butterflies in your stomach fly, and wait for the romance to come?

having the best time hanging out together, besides making each other comfortable and companied, does it mean there's romance growing? having the worst time fighting, besides being angry and hurt, does it mean the love's gone?

love's always been hard, and i believe it will be like this in a million years. i am just a single gal, searching for my love and my soulmate. i have so many questions to ask, and i hope i'll find a man with all my answers one day.

My thoughst go out to you, my Immortal Beloved

I can live only wholly with you or not at all -

Be calm my life, my all. Only by calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together. Oh continue to love me, never misjudege the most faithful heart of your beloved.

   Ever thine

   Ever mine

   Ever ours

(By Ludwig Van Beethoven)

when we're little, we fall in love with the fairy tales. Snow White and Petter Pan were our best friends. they were the ones who showed us how big the world could be, where imagination could fly, and what a wonderful dream we could have every night. they were the ones how taught us beauty, kindness, friendship, love, and happily ever after. they were also the ones how leaved those colorful little shinny bubbles in our heart and mind, which we called them hope as the rest of our life.

we started to fall in love when we were teenagers, and the love life last till the very end of our days. i bet everyone has a lot to say about love, i do too. but for me right here right now, particularly, i'm thinking of fantasies we have in love. i remember the first love of mine, it went south totally. and my crush had lasted for about 4 or 5 years. as i'm looking back at the story today, i realize that maybe, just maybe the person who i fell for was not a real one but rather my own fantasy reflected on that one person. i thought as i grew up, i would also grow out of the fantasy period in love. but i guess it's like the little bit fairy tale star left in the corner of heart, it never goes away, at the right moment, it just reemerges in style. perhaps it's the dreamy personality thing, a shinny star gazing through the deep dark blue sky reaches to the cresecnet's reflection and shadow.

the real life. i'm not confident enough to say that i know and understand the real life. i just simply hope that i'm living one. the reason it is real is that it has ups and downs, laughs and tears, miracles and tragedies. no one can avoid being hurt in the real life, however, everyone can hold on to the dream. exploring, living, loving, and looking for a partner on the life journey. i'm on my way.

life is a journey, and we're all keep walking till the very end. where did it come from, i couldn't recall; where does it lead, i can't forsee, the only place i'm sure about is where i am now, and the only thing i do is keep walking. once was said, "if you hold on things from the past too much, you would never get to tomorrow." i try to leave my past in the past, but occasionaly, the old friends reemerge, hunting me with their smiles or tears. i stand still there on my path for a minute, then, carry on.

sometimes i turn my head and look around, see the people walking next to me. they always smile, cause they are my friends. i chose the path i took, they did theirs. we meet at the intersection, hug, kiss and tab on the shoulder, we can't carry each others' bags, but we shear each others' weary. on each of our own lonely walk, the comforting is to know our friends are around.

walking, i'm alive; walking, i'm being who i am; walking, i'm taking on my friendships; walking, i'm take no time to stop

一个周末，突然好忙。也算是可喜可贺？哈哈

终于完完整整的把寒假的照片整理了一遍，挺有成就感的。选择一些放在上面，也算是一种总结，给自己一份怀念。

i'm really grateful for all the ppl i have met in that last two months. i hope we can be friends for a very long time.

i'm missing you already.

xoxo

deanna

这个寒假今天是真的结束了，还算完满的结束，呵呵。

刚刚在最后一个冬令营里跟学生开完party，很开心，至少我是这样。一个寒假，不太一样的经历，不太一样的成长，心里酸酸甜甜，感触要自己慢慢回味。

生活，重新让我热情，每天都动感、每天都热情、每天都精彩、每天都丰富、每天都让自己会微笑。

i never really knew that she could dance like this

she makes a man want to speak Spanish

Como se iiama, bonita, mi casa

oh, you know

i'm on tonight and my hips don't lie

and i am starting to feel it's right

all the attraction, the tention

don't you see baby, this is perfection

"To be honest, i did it because i loved you, not because i owed you anything. And that did not by anyway give you any power to control me. i'm free and independent. i'm living my life, not yours!"

从北京回来了，寒假开始了。北京的培训日子很精彩、很丰富、很忙碌、也很多收获。没时间总结，还来不及看看，因为前方的目标已经在我还没来得及抬头是想我走进了。

对于寒假的课程，又要累了，又得拚了。加油吧，还好身边有好多人支持。谢谢他们。

p.s. "King Kong Barbie Doll" what an interesting name!